After spending all of August in Edinburgh and almost all of September in Wetherspoons we’re back to bring you the street-performer-most themed election yet.

As a rule of thumb ALL street performers are bell-ends. That’s just a basic science fact. But there are always exceptions to the rules and we’re bringing you the best street performances Edinburgh had to offer.

Best viewed with a Special Brew.

THE Elvis

Luckily all Elvis impersonators go for the drunk, drugged, jump-suited, no shame era.

Mumford and Cousins

Truly original.

Also starring a guy (probably Scottish) who wants to make sure the “cousins” know exactly how much money he’s giving them.

bagpipes

As good as Scotch music gets. Twinkle on.

Dancing Dudes

Eh?

Pan Pipe Fan – Gran

How much do you love the pan pipes? Nowhere near as much as this old lady. Considering her lack of mobility she is going proper off the hook in this video. So much so that she has to mop the sweat off her brow at the end.

Uptown Boy

He’s been living in his uptown world.

I bet he’s never had a backstreet guy. Well head up the road Uptown Boy and have one of these tools…

Backstreet (Public School) Boys

Tools.

Special mention to the beat-boxing tool at the back who’s miming playing the drums.

Literally a man with a keyboard standing between 2 trees (in a park)

Honestly he is LITERALLY a man with a keyboard standing between 2 trees (in a park)! Literally.

Now YOU decide!

Edinburgh 2009

Hey Sammy,

High drama on the way up to Edinburgh! The train pulled into Peterborough and I was literally minding my own business when a girl in her early twenties got on and took the seat across the aisle from me.

She had a lot of thick dark hair falling all the way down to the small of her back. She took off her rucksack which caught in her jeans and dragged them down to expose another amount of thick dark hair all over her arse! Naturally I looked (stared) a little (a lot).

When she caught me staring I had the common decency to quickly turn my head and look out of the window, only to find her father, mother and younger brother stationed on the platform staring straight back at me as if I was the pervert, not their hairy daughter.

I was cornered so I took out the old Sagem phone and pretended to play a game on it until Edinburgh. Little did they know the old Sagem came out in 1994, before games were even invented!!! Lol (x ten).

Ah, the old Sagem! Its always there for me when I need it (apart from abroad where it doesn’t work as it came out in 1994 – before going abroad was invented).

much love, Tommy x

p.s Here’s a picture of the old Sagem for your viewing pleasure.