Gineral Election – S J Parker

SATC2 hasn’t done as well as expected at the box office which has raised a lot of questions. “Why?”, “What went wrong?” and “What does Sarah Jessica Parker most look like? Is it a horse? Or a foot? (OR actually, is it the cowardly lion?)”

Well here at Gin Riot we’re gonna decide the answer to that last (4-part-ish) question once and for all, in the inaugural Gin-eral Election and YOUR VOTE could swing it! Here are the candidate’s manifestos…

Horse – the early favourite

The fine people over at have been doing sterling work on this subject for some time


SJP tanned

SJP galloping

Family Guy had this to say, while South Park went on record with this and even Sarah JP has realised as much herself (in black and white no less!)


Foot – the main challenger

Urban Dictionary defines S Jessica P as “an actress who has the most annoying scream in the world, and a head that is shaped like a foot.”

This has been illustrated by the fine people over at

sjp size 8

Size 9 Jessica Parker

and although Family Guy seemed firmly in the horse camp they also released this statement


Cowardly Lion – the rank outsider

Thanks again to the brave people over at for making this a 3 horse race.



RIGHT! The cases have been made now YOU DECIDE!!!

What does Sarah Jessica Parker most look like? Is it a horse? Or a foot? (Or, actually, is it the cowardly lion?)

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2 thoughts on “Gineral Election – S J Parker

  1. Christian Hunter

    Okay, so maybe Sarah Jessica Parker has some masculine, even exo-special (outside our species) attributes, but you’ve got to give the gal some credit: we all have a relative “notness to hotness” spectrum. My bet is that the woman and man here in the US with THE potential to be the hottest man and woman are somewhat overweight and wouldn’t command a second look at a club or passing on the street.

    It’s hard enough to get into the top 10% of your hotness spectrum: daily workouts, every expensive lotion and cream (EXCEPT ICE CREAM!), and the list goes on! Sarah Jessica Parker has been PINNED to the top 1-3% of her own personal hotness spectrum for something like 20 years! On balance, she’s “cute”, but the specter of her enormous “notness” potential haunts her and shows up in some photos (maybe her makeups off, etc). And as we all know, that notness would mean a hotmess in ways that even horses would take offense to being associated with!

    My hat is off to anyone who continues to work that hard to just be somewhat cute!


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