Tag Archives: Brixton

Guide to Brixton. Pt 2 – Parties

Who knows how to throw a banging party better than God? Fucking no-one! That’s who. Which means…….

FACT: Brixton has the most banging parties in the world!

All religions are pretty mental but the Pentecostal Church is probably the mental-most of the lot. When God is in the house it goes OFF!!!

Click here for clip with original sound

But all this hardcore partying doesn’t leave much time for praying which is where Brixton  comes into its own. At the Universal Pentacostal Church you can just pop your prayer on one of their muliple choice prayer cards and they’ll wing it up to God for you (via a dove or something) – leaving you maximum time for having it large.

multiple choice

Sammy's prayer-card

Guide to Brixton. Part 1 – Drugs

Brixton doesn’t have a great reputation for…well…anything really, but insiders know it has a lot to offer. For instance…

FACT: Brixton has the best drug dealers in the world.

Fed up of paying top whack for your smack or crack? This weekend, tube* it down to Brixton, turn left out of the station and by the time you’ve got to the corner by KFC you’ll have been offered great deals by at least five fine, young entrepreneurs.

They’re all offering a kind of  “Sainsbury’s Basic’s range” of pretty much every drug under the sun. Like the Basics range they’re not top line produce (for instance the cocaine might not be actual cocaine but maybe baking soda laced with rat poison) but one’s thing for sure your nose will be bleeding like buggery and isn’t that half (50%) of the fun?

Customer service is excellent and they don’t discriminate – even if you’re a businessman in your sixties they’ll still offer you pills, coke and skunk!

Below is photo of a Christian Rock Band who came to Brixton to with a message of Jesus (and a back catalogue of shit songs) and left with a hardcore heroin addiction (and some banging tunes).


So Saturday, we’ll see you on the corner by KFC!

* Brixon tube station is shut at least 6 weekends out of 7.