Tag Archives: god

Guide to Brixton. Pt 2 – Parties

Who knows how to throw a banging party better than God? Fucking no-one! That’s who. Which means…….

FACT: Brixton has the most banging parties in the world!

All religions are pretty mental but the Pentecostal Church is probably the mental-most of the lot. When God is in the house it goes OFF!!!

Click here for clip with original sound

But all this hardcore partying doesn’t leave much time for praying which is where Brixton  comes into its own. At the Universal Pentacostal Church you can just pop your prayer on one of their muliple choice prayer cards and they’ll wing it up to God for you (via a dove or something) – leaving you maximum time for having it large.

multiple choice

Sammy's prayer-card

John and Edward rock the mic!!

“There are two certainties in life: Death and Taxes!”  -  so said God on one of his ill received mid-80 ‘s BC electro albums.

Well, big guy, you can add “John and Edward” rocking the microphone to that list of certainties and take off taxes – celebrity hypocrite fuckbag Bono managed to get out of them pretty easily by moving U2’s entire song catalogue from Ireland to Amsterdam. Wanker.

Anyway, I digress, the saying should now read “There are two certainties in life: Death, and “John and Edward” rocking the microphone.”

And how? On Saturday they stepped it up again. Virtually no girls, let alone lads, would have braved singing that Britney song, in those Britney outfits, with that arm-linking dance-routine and then looking into each others eyes as they did the talky bit about the old bint from the end of Titanic. But “John and Edward” did and even added a gay-incestuous-twin-vibe to proceedings – perhaps the rarest of all the vibes.

Of course, vocally they weren’t very good. They weren’t even good. Or average. Or even poor. They were fucking awful but that’s what rocking the microphone is all about – being as far away from mediocre as possible and “John and Edward” are infinity away. That’s how awesome/awful they are.

Who knows how they’re gonna top this? Hopefully at some point in the competition they’ll both cross-dress as school girls and try a gay-incestuous-twin-vibe version of the Britney-Madonna lesbian kiss.

And what about poor ol’ Whitney Houston’s performance? Well, she should get back to her crack addiction. John and Edward are where it’s at!