Ice Ice Jedward

Saturday’s X-Factor started with Simon Cowell staring straight down camera WWF (or WWE) style to call out Sting for insulting the show. It was Simon vs Sting. Finally we’d find out the answer to the age old physics conundrum “What happens when an irrestistible force meets an immovable bell end?” The answer: Not too much.

Sting had criticised the show for being full of karaoke non-hopers, which it pretty much is but that doesn’t take away from the fact that he’s a total bell end. Simon was riled and fired back by….inviting him on the show?

If Sting does ever turn up hopefull he’ll be ambushed by Hollywood Hulk Hogan (best wrestler ever) and The Rock (also the best wrestler ever) and forced to promise to never release another album of him playing the lute or whatever other crazy shenanigans he’s up to these days.

And the drama didn’t end there. “John and Edward” continued their excellent adventure towards achieving total awsome-ness.

That was the end of any drama. Jamie got voted out which was bound to happen. He was nice enough but really there’s no place for rockers on a pop show. He needs to really go for it now to make up for this – get a band and develop a massive heroin habit. At the moment Whitney Houston is more rock than he is.

And then there was the trademark dullness of Olly Murs. Even a broken finger couldn’t stop him and his relentless middle-of-the-road-ness, which raises the questions – “What does he have to break to stop him?” and “Who can we get to do it?”

He’s like a non-alcoholic lager. He’s like when you managed to pull at a party when you were 14 and you’d end up in a room kissing, and rubbing against each other but remaining fully clothed. Its nice enough for the first 30 seconds but soon gets boring, then frustrating, then outright annoying until it all just gets too much so you have to leave the room and go back downstairs to try to have a fight with Andrew Roley.

Basically, Olly is like dry humping after a night drinking Kaliber.

Quick “John and Edward” FACT: John has pointy ears!

Thanks to Tulna Shah for sending us The Daily Mirror Jedward Files

3 thoughts on “Ice Ice Jedward

  1. Avi Booirch

    A fine blog, however…

    Just one thing to point out. You seem to suggest that there’s no room for a rocker on a pop show. Admittedly you say that Jamie is less of a rocker than Whitney (Houston she has a problem), but in actual fact he is and never has been or will be, a rocker. EVEN IF he devlops a heroin habit, or something dangerous. He wears a scarf…in his jeans!

    My second point is your use of “bellend”. As you will know, our friend Professor Bernard Fuck recently pointed out that the spelling is the two word version “bell end”. In case you require confirmation, look at this month’s Viz, where Prof Fuck also sets out a choice witticism aimed at Michael McIntyre.

  2. admin Post author

    Thanks Avi.

    I agree he isn’t a rocker and proved it by appearing on this show. But if he develops a huge heroin habit I think he’s still got a chance. Everyone deserves a second chance. Except Sting. Although if Sting developed a massive heroin habit….nah fuck him.

    As for the spelling of bell end – Professor Bernard Fuck is the authority on these things. I will change the post so it reads correctly.

    Haven’t read the Michael McIntyre thing yet but Viz generally holds views close to our heart. We’re going to be filming a poem reading about McIntyre soon that was written by GOD himself!!!!!!

  3. Jedward

    Hey visit for some awesome forums and news or just type jedward into google its on the first page. Pretty sweet website.

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